Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize