...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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