i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
