Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
