last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
