Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
