i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
