I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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