PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
