if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
