I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
