woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
