Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
