So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
