Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
