M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
