New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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