i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
