I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize