cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
