I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
