I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
