He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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