I faked an abortion last night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
