I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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