p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
