VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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