then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
