obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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