Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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