my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
