woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
