dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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