I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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