Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
