Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
