i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
