Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
