I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
