I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
