well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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