You just made me feel so damn special
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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