saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
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Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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