nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it glows. i had to have it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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