One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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