guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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