I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
