you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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