hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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