im drinking this country out of the recession.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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