If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
