My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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