I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
