Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
