get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
