my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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