I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
